The Five Types of Cars i will Meet When i am Squished By Their Owners

A periodically updated list of the most threatening vehicles on the streets of Boston.

  1.  (Previous: – ) The Toyota Prius.  It should be noted that all these vehicles assume a 25% higher probability of maiming me when there is a visible mounted smartphone, Uber, or Lyft emblem, but Priuses remain a common choice for the rideshare menace*.  The silent killer.
  2. (Previous: – ) Shuttle buses.  Since Governor Chuckles doesn’t want to spend on real public transportation, these are proliferating like mad, and have an affinity for squeezing me out or scraping me off.  Feels like they have an active dislike for cyclists.
  3. (Previous: – ) The BMW 3xx.  A common sight roaring down the it’s-a-real-street-now expanse of Seaport Blvd., ready to peel off into either a parking garage or blinky-park in front of Starbucks, one of the two.  As often a beat-up, crappy one with modifications to the exhaust as a shiny new one making up for the low model number with expensive detailing.  Double points for pulling in and out of a valet spot without looking.
  4. (Previous: -) The Jeep Grand Cherokee.  Sits high on its bouncy shocks, so that when it changes lanes and roars its engine near you, it almost animates itself with its driver’s testosterone.  Often, i use the term ‘body language’ with how a car moves and how it makes me plan for what i think it’s going to do next.  Whatever these guys do, they disproportionately do it mad.
  5. (Previous: -) Porsche SUVs.  A big up and comer lately.  Like the Jeep, but with a tighter suspension and increased propensity to weave and jockey.  The bad news is, people who can afford this car can afford to run me over.

Author: rcolonna

crashes, bangs, maniacal laughter.

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